Finger Chores (children chore motivation)

Need help getting kids to do their chores? Here are a few tips I have figured out, that I wish I had learned when I started out with my older kids.

Finger Chores-
I don't know if "Finger Chores" is the best way to describe this, because I tend to think of chicken every time I say it.haha I don't know why, I just picture greasy Kentucky fried chicken when I say it.

This is how I get my kids to remember what is expected of them every morning before they can have any privileges for the day. 
It works great! 
I like chore charts and all, but they always somehow end up ripped off the wall, or colored on by certain little people, to the point we can't read them anymore, or they are even forgotten about. So I came up with a different solution to helping my kids remember. 
We have been doing this for a while now, and I love that the kids still love the concept. It just kind of stuck with us. Probably because our fingers are stuck with us too. :)
I even like to have my own "finger chores". 

Above is an example of my 5 year old daughter's finger chores. They are they same for all of us, except she gives the cat water in the morning. 
My 7 year old lets the dog outside. 
My 2 year old does "mommy's finger chores" with me. 
We also do night chores, listed in the white in the picture. The black ones are for the morning. 
These chores teach good hygiene and responsibility, and they are so easy for little people, and it gives them a sense of being "big". 
I love what my sister wrote in her blog the other day, that her kids know she will help them if they put forth the effort. 
I always felt like I was doing things for my kids to get their chores done, because they weren't motivated. Like literally brushing their teeth for them, putting their clothes on for them and such. Ugh so frustrating!
 Since we started this though, they  have gotten so much better at doing it themselves, and it makes it easy for me to reward them with their daily privileges. 

FlyLady taught me to have a morning routine, and I like my kids to have a morning routine too, that way they grow up in the habit already. Teach your child that for each finger on the right hand, they have a morning chore. It may take a little while to help them memorize the chores, but with a little prompting each day, and keeping it fun, they will eventually remember them. 
The left hand can be night chores. My kids fingers talk to them and say "Get dressed!" or, "Make your bed!" :)
If they can associate something with their chores to remember what they are, without having to look at a chart, it will become habit for them easier too. 

Privileges-
I learned the privileges technique from a book I read and loved called "A House United" by Nicholeen Peck. She has some really awesome ideas. http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-House-United-Nicholeen-Peck/dp/B005FR61Y2
Privileges for our family include

1. Playing outside
2. snacks
3. movies/t.v. (although we don't watch t.v.)
4. games
5. coloring
6. and our MobiGo and VReader

Make sure you have lots of privileges for the kids to look forward to being able to do freely once their chores are done. Also, make sure they know you expect them to get their finger chores done before they can do anything else, and let them take their time so they aren't feeling forced. Forcing them to do chores, especially when they are little, will only cause them to not like chores even more their whole life. 

Remind them gently, that they don't have any privileges until their chores are done, if they try to do a privilege before they have earned it. I say GENTLY, because if you raise your voice, or demean them in anyway about their chores, they will feel like a failure before they even have a chance to feel awesome. 
Give them a high 5, and a "You did great!" when they complete them, to help them feel awesome too :)
You can also let them put a star on their chart to earn a reward.

Patience-
Something I have tried to have for the last 7 years of parenting, but I only have really grasped why its essential until this last year.
My kids are good kids. They have their rebellious moments, and their tantrums still, but overall they are good kids. I would like to tell you your kids are good kids too! :)
I know this because, when they were born they were all perfect. Environment, and example are the only things that effect their personal choices until they are at the age of accountability, which I believe is about 8 years old. 
I have learned, that I can't punish my kids if they do not understand accountability yet. In fact I don't think punishment works for anyone, and anyone old enough to be punished for something really bad, was probably punished for the wrong reasons when they were first learning right and wrong.
I use consequences and rewards, but not punishment. 
Consequence is something that happens naturally after a choice is made. Believe it or not, kids will respond to a natural consequence better :)

Consequences- In our home we have 4 consequences that my husband and I and my kids have discussed. Our kids helped us decide them. (which is important to do too). 
They happen in degrees, according to the behavior that was displayed. 

• 1st degree-Lose a privilege for the day (unless they work to earn it back)
• 2nd degree-Extra chore (ours is usually washing walls, until the wall is clean) 
• 3rd degree-time in their room, minimum time coordinates with the childs age. My 7 year old would get  at least 7 minutes, and my 2 year old would get 2 minutes. With my 2 year old though, I would not go over 2 minutes, until she is 5 and understands a bit better.
• 4th degree-lose a privilege for the whole day

If they choose to not do their finger chores, they do not earn their daily privileges. 
If they call their siblings names, or initiate arguments, they get to wash walls. 
If they use physical violence towards siblings or friends, they get to wash walls also. 
In church if they choose to not be reverent, they get to spend reverent time in their bedrooms when we get home. 
The consequence can be given according to the negative behavior that was chosen also. 
We hardly ever have to do time in their room, or lose a privilege for a whole day, because losing 1 privilege until they work for it back, and washing walls works so well.

Nicholeen talks about privileges and consequences in her book too, and the ideas above came from her suggestions. They work really great. 
We make sure to talk about it with our kids first, so they can know what to expect if they choose to do something that would have a negative consequence. We also have positive consequences, like high 5's, star sticker charts to earn a party, and Daddy dates, and Mommy dates. 

Anyway, those are some things that have really helped us to have a more peaceful loving home. Patience from the parents is Key to all of it. Keeping a low voice, and quick responses to the kids, also helps the kids to know they are loved, and important, and first priority. Those were hard things for me to do for a long time, but I am getting a lot better, and my kids behaviors are improving. I love it, and just wanted to share! :)

This week

 Monday-

we figured out our schedule for home school. We are still not sure about what we are doing with my oldest and her schooling, but I have been doing school with the other kids, so when we do bring her home it wont be a big transition. 

Cleaning? My 7 year old and I cleaned the kitchen together. She is a good little helper when it is us together one on one....until my 4 month old catches her attention and she gets all googly over him. It also helps her when she has her stuffed horse in one hand, it apparently encourages her to have fun. :)

Tues- our plan got pushed behind a little, and we actually did Math this day instead of on "Monday Mathday". We bought a cool work book from Walmart with dry erase pages in it, and magnets. It has little problem solver, and learn your numbers activities. We practiced counting to 15, and even my two year old was catching on. We did this kind of stuff until 11am, and then we did reading time. 

I read 20 pages to the girls from the book "Captains Courage". They sat and listened for quite a while and then  when they got restless, I stopped and then encouraged them to pick a book and read it to themselves quietly while I made lunch.

It was pretty cute watching my two year old lay sideways on our rocking chair to "read" herself a book. She loves books, and I am excited to encourage that in her.

For our chore that evening- My 5 year old and I went and folded a giant pile of laundry together. Even though I wish she would have folded them on her own, I still enjoyed my one on one time with her, while she threw articles of clothing at me to fold. :) Then we put it all way.

Wednesday-

We talked about science. 

I asked my 5 year old what she would like to learn about. First it was Squares. 

So we talked about who made squares. Jesus of course!

Then we looked around the room and found all the squares. We concluded that our whole house is made of them, and the biggest one is our ceiling followed by our walls. Kind of creepy actually. Squares can be intimidating when thought about that way. :)

She then wanted to talk about circles, and triangles, but I encouraged her to think about how things are made instead. So she wanted to talk about clouds. 

We talked about who made clouds. How they form, and how rain and snow are formed. They had no idea fog is a cloud just on earth, and can't wait to see fog again.

We didn't quite get our chore done this day, woops!

Thursday- I bought a VReader by Vtech, and they have been spending a lot of time on it, learning to write letters and words and listening to stories, so that has kind of been our learning for the last couple of days. 

For our chore we deep cleaned the girls bedroom. It was bad, and Dad said if they didn't have it all cleaned up, that they would lose all privilages for a week. 

My 7 year old is pretty good at cleaning her room, but needs a little help in the finishing touches, and there was a lot of garbage and clothes due to me not providing organization, so I helped them out. 

I like to make sure they know its their responsibility to clean their room, but I will "help" them if they are overwhelmed. 

I hope someday they can get good at just keeping up on it without me. Is there any hope?

Today, we didn't get much schooling done, but the girls spent some much needed time outside. It has been so cold lately it has not been much fun to be outside, but today the weather was beautiful!

The oldest girls snuck a blanket, and some snacks out to our side walk and had a picnic together. I can't wait for spring!

Well I hope you all have a great weekend! 

Teach by Example

I have recently learned that if I want my kids to do something, I need to do it first. How can they possibly know to do it, if someone hasn't shown them how to first. They are little and they were born with a love for life and learning. It is my job to help develop that love, by nurturing, loving and showing them by example that it is worth it.
So I have decided that my chores should be done with them helping me. Yes it is easier to get them done when I can just do them by myself, but I am responsible for them learning how to do things too, and I do not want them to reach adulthood, move out, and not know how to keep a clean home, or be proactive about responsibilities.
For Home School, I think chores are more important than textbook material. You can't keep a clean home if you only know how to read and write, and you can't feed yourself off of 2x2 on a paper. Actually putting forth the hands on work is where you will get results. Life skills will keep you fed and sheltered.

So in beginning our Official Home School process, and to go a long with the TJED method, my children until they are 8 will be in the first core phase of playing, working, and learning to love to learn and work.

I used to think I could expect them to pick up the habits of chores by telling them what to do, and then expecting them to do it. This rather creates insufficiency.
My 7 and 5 year old beg me to help them with their chores, and I use to think, "you are old enough to do it by yourself!"
Whining would begin, time outs were given, and things did not get done with happy hearts.

When my 2 1/2 year old started to follow me around while doing chores and would say to me "I help you", that is when I realized, until they have been lovingly taught and encouraged to do chores, they will not know the "Joy of work". I love letting my 2 year old help me. I wish I had been more patient when my oldest kids were younger. Its not to late to start now though.

We all sat down and made a schedule for chores. We all have our morning chores to attend to first thing. There are no privilages given until these morning chores are done. Then we have breakfast and then do 2 hours of learning fun things, lunch, downtime, and then a deep cleaning chore for the day.

I will be doing the deep cleaning chore for the day, but one of my children are assigned each day to "help" me. This is my chore, so I make sure I am efficient with it. The child helping me, is an apprentice. They are learning, so efficiency isn't expected yet. Not having this expectation, makes it easier for me to patient and loving with them. Having more patience and loves makes it easier for us to enjoy our time together, and that is where the Joy of work is found. The Joy of work, comes when we do something because we know it is worth it. The end result makes us feel good, and it creates peaceful space for us to dwell in later.

I am excited to keep you updated daily on how our Home Schooling and Joy of work process unfolds.